Tag: health

The Original Slashdot F.A.Q. (Circa 2006)

On my author website, I have a Slashdot page with an old joke: “There are 10 kinds of people on Slashdot. Those who see my picture, go back to Slashdot and leave a comment, ‘You’re a fat retard.’ And everyone else.” If you know binary, “10” is actually “2” in decimal. That page was actually a pale…

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Napping After Work Like My Father

My father always had dinner and fell asleep in his recliner after he came home from his construction job. A few hours later he would wake up, watch TV and go to bed at ten. Sometimes he would just take NyQuil and go straight to bed after his nap. Every morning he would get up…

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Losing Ten Pounds With A Digital Bathroom Scale

I’ve always told people I weighed 350 pounds for the last ten years despite working out at the gym and being on a low-carb diet. That wasn’t entirely true. The analog scales at the gym maxed out at 350 pounds and thunked past 350 whenever I got on. The thunking stopped three months ago. One scale…

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The Great Butterball Turkey Shortage 2013

Butterball announced that there will be a shortage of large fresh turkeys for Thanksgiving this year, implying that the national holiday was in jeopardy if the American family couldn’t buy a large fresh turkey the day before. Not quite. Most families buy a frozen turkey and thaw it out in the fridge for a week.…

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Outrunning The Busybody Obese Police

If you’re an obese child in America today, you have to outrun the busybody obese police (BOP) who sends letters home from school or trick-or-treating on Halloween night. Of course, it doesn’t help if your birth weight matches a bowling ball. Rather than judging you on your character, the BOP will assume things about your…

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